Happy New Year’s Eve, folks, and welcome to Icy Schemes Media’s 2017 Year in Review. In what follows, you will receive a never-before-seen look at the internal processes of our four-day old company. It’s been a hell of a year; not only have we seen tremendous growth, we have every reason to believe that this growth will persist in the wars to come. This is our gift to you, our readers, for your constant support for, commitment to, and interaction with us, the Icy Schemes crew. Hope you enjoy.
The date is December 27, 2017. A college student on winter break decides he is going to construct a media company to rival both those which are sad and failing (such as NYTimes and MSESPN), and companies which have, like us, grown significantly in the preceding year and whose names we will not mention at this time. I was this college student. I had a vision. A vision which will never leave my mind. And a vision which will be realized regardless of the number of trials God places before my co-workers and me in the approaching times. Thus I began. I recruited a team of colleagues who are passionate about writing, entertainment, sports, and music, and with the help of a comp-sci major, our website was up and running within hours. We knew that this website was the foundation of something both beautiful and fearsome; we knew that we were bound to face challenges the likes of which no liberal arts major has ever subjected himself or herself to: and we accepted this fact with an undying resolve to endure. Indeed, we made a pledge to both ourselves and to each other that no matter how deep we plunge into the depths of Hell; no matter how threatening become our enemies; and no matter how engulfing become the pressures of success, we will never concede, and we will never betray one another.
In Icy Schemes’ first three business days, its members have spent countless hours writing articles, designing a website, and amassing a Twitter following. For the outstanding results we have achieved in each of these categories, we may only thank you. We urge you, if you enjoy our content and respect our drive, to spread our word to both your friends and your families. Now, we, the Icy Schemes Media company, make a pledge to you: we will never leave you out to dry. We will continue rolling out content on a daily-to-weekly basis. Unfortunately, I must take a leave of absence as I leave the country to study in Italy. Though I will continue to manage the company, my ability to serve as Editor-in-Chief and create new content will be limited. But never fear—Icy Schemes is in the good hands of several driven managers and contributors whom I would trust with both my own life and the lives of my three cattos. Truly, Icy Schemes is comprised of some of the most resilient men and women I’ve had the pleasure of knowing; not only will they maintain operations, they will thrive with a desire to impress both you, our wonderful viewers, and me, their president and CEO.
To all of the haters and losers–of which there are many—I apologize to you on behalf of both myself and the rest of our company. I am sorry that you are too close-minded to comprehend the magnitude of what is taking place here. Please, do all you can to debilitate our growth and cripple our fortitude. But I can guarantee you one thing: you will fail. To the rest of you, I hope that you have a wonderful New Year’s Eve and continue to enjoy what we are creating for you. None of this would be possible without you. My sincere gratitude.
-Admin Tam (@tomhall2323)